Bakyacrowd

"loka, napakamahal na ng bilihihn ngayon lalo na at ipinatupad na ang e-vat saka ka pa balak mangolekta ng komiks", ito lang ang aking mga nasabi sa aking isipan habang biubuklat ang mga pahina ng The Dreaming ng Vertigo comics. Actually may mga nakulekta na ako noong bata pa ako, kaso nagkadawala, hindi ko na lam kung saan nagsisuot. Naisip ko na total ay nakahanap na ako ng bagong raket, at maaring maging sapat ang una kong kita para makabili ng kahit isang issue. Gusto ko sana yung Sandman, gusto kong makompleto ko yun.

Hilig ko talaga ang komiks, simula sa mumurahin( yung tipo Kengkoy), Darna, Archie Comic Books,Pugad Baboy, Calvin and Hobbes hanggang sa mga anti-heroes. Pinangarap ko na mabuo ako ng comics. Naalala ko yung kaklase kong kinaiiyamutan sa highschool, although kaasar-asar ang taong iyon, eh hangga naman ako sa kaniyang malikhaing kamay. Tila nainggit nga ako nang makabuo siya ng kaniyang comics idepedently, simple ang kaniyang ginawa at pina xerox niya ito, saka ipinamigay sa mga malalapit niyang kaibigan sa classroom namin. Kahit ganoong paraan man lamang sana’y makagawa ako. Gusto kong mapaghalo ang kahit papaano’y kakahyanan ko sa pagsulat at pati na rin sa pagguhit.

Kanina nga lang ay inayos namin ng aking pinsan ang sirang kama ko. At tinangal namin ang isang native na kahon na gawa sa rattan na sumusporta sa naturang kama. Nang mabuklat nang aking malikot na pamangkin ang kahon ay lumapit sa akin at kiulubit ako, "Tita, moo-moo", monster daw. Para sa kaniya ay monster ang isang napakagandang obra ng cover page ng The Dreaming. Actually hind sa akin yung binubuklat kong comic strip, sa anak yun ng may ari ng bahay na inuupahan namin na nasa US. Naaliw lang naman ako sa storya at visuals nito. Naubos nga ang oras ko kakabasa sa mga ito, at kakatitig sa mga sketch.

Kaya nga ipinagdadasal ko na sana ay magboom itong bussiness ko. So, that may pambili na ako mg iba’t-ibang klaseng komiks na pandagdag sana sa koleksyon. Actually lalo akong naging decided na mangaolekta nang malaman ko na ang maker pala ng Aster ay isang Filipino graduate sa Ateneo de Manila.

As from now, I am seeing myself na may malalaki akong bookshelf na punong-puno ng KOMIKS.

I’ve been lazy since last sem. I don’t know what to do and I don’t know how to manage myself. I thought that semestral break is fine time for me to reflect and to be able to accomplish all the things that neede so much og my attention, espescially my mini-thesis. But nothing happens, all day long I laid down at the sofa bed from morning till night just only keeping my eyes tired of staring at the television.  Usually I said to my self that I have nothing to do, but actually there all lot of things to finish, there are a lot of task screaming for them to be noticed and to be accomplish. But I tried to be a good girl for a while, helping my mother keeping the old, old clothes of our family, stared a short story in Filipino and somehow tried to paint on a canvass.

Everyday my mother is complaining of how messy I am with my things, how inaccurate I am, and how lazy, too.  Keep on telling me that she understands that these are part of an artist traits, always reminding me that it is unhealthy to keep on doing this. Weird. Actually I always here these word not only from her but from other people. I don’t see my self as a weird person, but I do respect how they see me as the way that they accept my comments and sometimes hurtfull criticisms. But being weird, how come? What’s the matter of watching the telvision  and reading a book at the sofa up-side down and eating meal at my mug wtih all mixed up foods (i am just thinking that as we eat the foods it will all mix up in our stomach), pairing my vintage skirt with a pair of dirty sneakers, being silent at the corner of a room, using oldies clothes, prefer to take a muddy path (and a lot more)?

Anyway, I am also asking myself why am I acting this way? I am too much irresponsible, although side by side are the motivations that are cheering me to push myself up towards success. I just don’t know what my problem is. I ca only do things seriously especially writting whenever turmoil visits me, my environment.  My conscience bothers me too much of the grade that I received in MP 174(pagsulat ng dula), in which I only wrote the play during the day of the submission (and thank God I made it)… but do I deerve that grade. I didn’t even sho up all my ideas which I want to put on the story because of my I’ve been crumming that time. Aside from that, I did’nt made a good quality play. Although I am bothered with that I just think positvely that maybe by chance I have a good idea of my story or I have enough potential to start a play scriptwritting. And I am also sully satisfied with that subject, because learning how to write creatively and having minutes of time chatting with my idol, Luna Sical-Cleto is a great honor. I really enjoy her company. And this sem, it so happened that she will be our professor Pan Pil 162 (Maikling Kwento). I don’t know there’s something magical with her write ups that carried me away, having to the point that my tears will drop till I come to saddest part of her story. Maybe it’s because I can easily relate to her write-ups and I discovered that this incredible artist is a dedicated teacher. So, I am lucky to be one of her student and to have her as teacher twice.